The Shiny Gym
Treadmills with television screens with satellite signals. Rows of them. The juice bar. IMAX theater built right in to the spinning room.
This is a hub for the Shiny People. The Shiny People Gym.
I can't help but to think of the Matrix movies. What a terrific metaphor. The Shiny people see a movie like that and they think there are good action scenes or they don't, think it was a good story or they don't but they never really look at it and think "Oh my god... that's me. I'm in the matrix". But they are plugged right into the Machine just as solidly as if they really were immersed in a vat of goo with wires coming and going from the back of their heads. I see them as they run the little pre-programmed routes on the treadmills. It is some kind of sad irony to see them flicking their wrists to get a glimpse of their heart monitor. I think the treadmills must produce some kind of interference signal that the monitor interprets as a pulse because I am sure that if you actually looked inside their chests one would find a cold, dark, still heart.
There is no outside of box type thought. This gym is just an outlet for the primordial urges that the matrix hasn't figured out how to mitigate. It is a poor surrogate for actually going outside and doing the things that this place is simulating. Spin Bikes. Climbing wall. Stairmaster. Treadmill. I'm pretty sure all these things are available outside with no membership fees. And yet the shiny people come here. Pay hard earned cash to enjoy the elitist sensation of being shiny. And with enough exposure to places like this they forget that the Real thing is even out there. Like POWs that forget English and adopt the language of their captors.
The Shiny Gym is a prison camp. A slave labor factory. Spend money. Be shiny. Look, over there by the eliptical! I think she's shinier than you. You will need to go get some cuter workout clothes and new shoes but on your way to the mall don't forget to stop at the juice bar for that smoothie we're telling you that you're craving. Yeah, it is made from high-fructose corn syrup and contains the caloric value of a steak dinner but go ahead... you earned it. You deserve it. Moreover, you deserve to be way shinier than that bitch. Oh, and you'd better sign up for another pilates class.
By the way, the rest of your life is looking a little dull. Better shine it up too. Gonna need a new car. Ditch that ugly-ass BMW. What's better than a BMW? I dunno but if you're asking that question there is someone that will sell it to you. Your job needs a little polish too. And your home. Better be big, better be new if you're gonna stay shiny. Shiny is not a one-time purchase. Shiny is a lease agreement. A commitment. Gonna take a lot and there's a lot of interest but it's worth it. Takes a lot of energy to be shiny too. A lot of time and effort studying the journals, People magazine, US weekly and the like. Gotta find out what Britney is up too and which shoes Jessica Simpson is wearing and who is pregnant and who is in rehab. The Uber-Shinies. Celebrities. Our Role Models.
These lives of these people are like the real versions of little model airplanes. The Shinies buy their little model kits and painstakingly apply glue and decals and attention to detail to attempt to capture some aspect of the Real Thing and apply it to their lives.
Which is good. We need more Britneys and Jessicas and Paris'. They contribute so much to our world. If only more young people today would just try to follow their lead. No sense idealizing lame-asses like Albert Schweitzer or Nelson Mandela or Mother Teresa. Definitely not that Shiny.
Inside the matrix the Shinies can't see any of this satire. The world of the Shiny is exactly as big as the Shiny itself. Nothing else exists. The population of Shiny-town is always exactly 1. All the roads lead in to Shiny-town and once on the Shiny-turnpike there are no exits to anywhere else. It is a big black hole with a glimmering mirror for a sky and by day the reflection of the Shiny provides light and by night a single Shining Star completes a constellation of one.
2 comments:
Perhaps if I had a 5 day work month I too could enjoy exercise outdoors at all times of the year. However, I do not have that (elite?) luxury.
I work 8:00am to 6:00pm. During the winter months it is dark at 6:00am and 6:00pm when I could potentially be outside jogging or doing tai chi or something like that. And since one of my best friends was held up at gun point a year ago in my neighborhood I prefer not to hang out alone, at night, outdoors. So rather than allowing my ass to continue and impress me with its size, I joined a gym. Oh, I know what you are thinking; get a new job, move to a new neighborhood, exercise with a male friend. Everything is a compromise, so as I prefer to live downtown, in a city, rather than in the ‘burbs; my neighborhood is not the safest place to be, alone at night as a female. However, from my apartment I can walk to the park, to work, to the grocery store and to many bars and restaurants--I love it.
I work from 8:00am to 6:00pm because I love my job. I am in a position to potentially influence the places we live in to make them healthier places to be (ie: more parks, greenways, walkable cities—so perhaps nobody will need a gym).
And finally, why can’t I work out with a male friend? Well, you see, I just don’t have that. My boyfriend runs real’ fast and for a real’ long time. I, on the other hand, do not.
So, you see, since my weekends aren’t getting any longer and my ass isn’t getting any smaller I have decided to add exercise to my schedule via a gym. Oh yes, there are televisions attached to every cardio machine, a juice bar and nice smelling soaps in the locker room. A day spa, an outdoor pool, and a cabana by the pool where I may even buy a damn smoothie sometime this summer since my ass won’t be so big and I will be willing to be in a bathing suit. Actually, I will probably be drinking a beer by the pool (maybe even a low-carb one). How’s that for a shiny person.
But really, why so quick to judge? If I worked 5 days per month, lived in a small town and was male, perhaps it would be easier for me to be outside, getting exercise as often as I can now, as a female, working 20 days per month, in an urban area, supplementing my outdoor time by working out at a gym. There is always compromise somewhere.
please see new post (Re: The Shiny Gym) for response.
Thanks
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